omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
if only i could text you this smell
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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