I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
