Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
