I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize