A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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