HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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