capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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