if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
