You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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