Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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