no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
