God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
