everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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