Sober January is a disaster.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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