So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
