I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
