just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
