I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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