Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
