I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
