My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
