My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
