Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
