my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
