Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I want is dick and wine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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