what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
