a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
