My cat gives me a boner
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
