Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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