I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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