i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
