Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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