Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
