just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
