i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
