y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
