i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize