haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am puke
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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