How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
