I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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