Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
