I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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