he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
