Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
