someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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