You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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