why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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