I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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