Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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