They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
