i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
