Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She announced her abortion via fbk
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
