WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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