I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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