When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
