we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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