How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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