Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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