the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
