I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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