Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
