he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
