remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
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Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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