Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
