i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
What a dumb baby whore.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
