So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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