walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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