I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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