lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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