Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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