apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
