yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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