Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's never too late to be topless.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
