a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
